Sorry about the volume, but I have enough difficulty getting speech out and volume is also part of that. Thanks for understanding. I had 9 in my system at the point of making this video; Polly, Carol, Rose, Da, Marnie, Willie, Addie, Anne and me. I was the last one the team spoke of, the last to be openly named. I had refused to be a human, saw myself as a ghost. I was the typist, the war correspondent, typing their lives, storing their information, taking none of it personally. I saw them as outside people and because the first splitting was from age 2, didn't think we had a core. Finally, I began to stir. I began to stress I was not acknowledged as a self within the team. I began to express my own reality and feelings, that I lived in a sensing world, that I disappeared when voices were within range or when people got within a metre of me. I began to express that though Carol had come to speak via songs, jingles and Da could recite TV shows and had an array of accents, I had struggled to speak but finally stopped trying altogether at age 9 when Willie continued to keep trying in spite of being laughed at, mocked, ignored. Then Addie and Anne learned to speak in a whisper. But I had employed none of their strategies. Instead I felt my speech was ugly, broken and chose a world apart from them, from friends, from any occupation or activity involving speech. I became fingers at a keyboard. Recently a friend died. She used a letter board for speech and had no functional ...
Keywords: core self, ptsd trauma, dissociative identity disorder, DID, dissociation, MPD, splitting, alters
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